His Heart, My Desire

Loving Llfe While Striving For A Heart Like His

Journaling and Crying Through Anxiety

As they say, “What a ride!”

Yes, this has been the wildest ride I’ve ever been on in a very long time. On this ride, I was very well educated on all things dealing with anxiousness, fear, worry and just being downright scared to death! There is nothing worse than a feeling of “am I losing control of myself?” “is this the end?” “what’s going to happen to me?” “I had so much to live for, I’m not ready to have it all ended yet!” “But, wait, I still have some cleaning out and decluttering to do!” Yes, I actually thought that last one.

So many thoughts went through my mind while not being able to do anything but lay in bed (or is it lie) waiting for the nausea to go away. Waiting for the fearful thoughts and anything negative in my life flooding my mind to go away. They didn’t for 3 long months.

Journaling…

My life line was my sweet DIL. She told me at the very beginning, “Madre, (that’s what she calls me) you need to journal everything you are thinking and work out in your journal all those negative feelings. Even if you have to write things and then tear it up and throw it away. Get it written down and work through it.

I love journals and I pick them up every time I see a cute one at the store. So, I went to my storage cabinet (that needs to be decluttered) and picked my favorite. I began writing and writing and writing….it became a habit. Every anxious thought I had, I ran to my journal and it was the thing that helped me make it through the day. I talked to the Lord just as if I were writing Him a letter. I made lists of things I hoped to do someday, that I honestly thought I would never be able to do due to fear of losing my mind. I wrote about past hurts that had been so far pushed down that it was like a bubbling well of things from years ago. I wrote about things I need to forgive and forget. I also wrote about things I needed to forgive myself for. It goes on and on.

Five journals later… I began a new one this week. I’m excited about this one as it is filled with much hope and thankfulness as I am finally seeing light at the end of this spiraled tunnel. I reach for my journal in the morning and again in the evening to record my day and my thoughts. It’s really my prayer journal because it is all my thoughts that I talk to the Lord about constantly.

There is just something about getting thoughts out of my head onto paper that makes such a difference. I’ve always been that way with my making lists of things to do. Once I get it all on paper, I don’t stress over all that needs to be done.

I may never let up on my journaling as it is now a habit for me. I would encourage you to begin journaling. You don’t even have to do it everyday. Maybe when you have something you are dealing with, it might help you to write it all out in order to think more clear. I realize journaling isn’t for everyone, but, I do know it made a difference for me!

Crying…

I have always been one that holds back my tears. I don’t know why. Every now and then, I can’t hold them back and they just flow. My regular thing to do is leave the room and find a place to cry where no one is around. Pull myself together and act like nothing bothers me.

During the past few months I had many crying out spells. Yes, crying out to God for answers, help, understanding, healing, etc. I often thought, what if I’m hurting myself, causing ulcers or causing myself to not heal due to the stress of crying.

I had a friend tell me that crying was good for me. I read up on crying and was amazed. Evidently, God knew what He was doing when He gave us tear ducts, right? It’s okay to cry, don’t hold back your tears. Tears are a healthy way to express emotion.

Benefits of crying:

*Lowers stress

*Removes toxins

*Kills bacteria

*Releases feelings

*Resolves grief

There are a few more benefits of crying. I encourage you to do a study on the benefits of shedding tears. Until then, don’t be ashamed to cry. Now you know it’s good for you. What isn’t good for you is to hold back tears and stuff those feelings down. It’s time to deal with what’s bothering you and let the tears flow. Blessed is the one who has someone who will sit with you and let you just cry and not judge you for it and tell you to stop crying. By the way, when your child cries..don’t tell them to stop crying, dry it up, etc. Let them cry and help them deal with what is upsetting them. That was just a free thought for you….no charge!

Every tear we shed, God knows all bout it. He cares and hurts when we hurt. In Revelation 21:4 we read that “He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Until then, He has given us a beautiful life to live and live it to the fullest until He comes or our time has ended here on earth. All those tears? Just as David said Psalm 56:8, “You number my wanderings; put my tears in your bottle.” God knows why you have shed every tear and some day we will have the full picture and understand so much more than we do now.

For now, count your blessings, give your worries to Jesus and let your tears flow in rejoicing and in the hard times.

Until next time…

A Bump In The Road – Dealing With Anxiety

A few thoughts on what I’m learning in the Anxiety Department:

A little bump in the road is how the natural/holistic doctor described this issue I’ve been dealing with. She made it sound so promising that I would win this battle with time and healing. So thankful for her encouragement and knowledge. I was told by another doctor that I had “situational anxiety.” Due to the covid and crazy culture we have right now.

During this time of healing, I’ve learned many things about myself. You get so focused on self because you are so scared and have no idea what is going on. So you are searching for answers and trying to figure out how and why this has happened to you. Especially, if you are an analyzer as myself. Yep, that’s one of the things that I have learned about Moi!

I analyze everything, to death. I didn’t really notice it before. The good news is, that this can be a good thing. But, when you get focused on the bad, such as what I did, it can be detrimental. As I mentioned in my last post, I was consumed with the news. I was keeping up with the death count, the number of infected people, how many ventilators were being used, if masks really worked, on an on and on…..how much can a person take? Well, obviously, not much as far as I’m concerned. Oh, let’s not forget the riots that broke out. The violence, instead of watching it and saying, “how sad,” I was thinking, “WHY?” “How do people get to that place in their lives to do such destruction and hurt other people?” It consumed me. It hurt to watch.

I have done the same thing in life. When people are cruel and say hurtful things to one another or just down right hateful….especially those that call themselves Christians, I can’t even comprehend it. I try my best to figure it out and try to imagine their lives and why they would be so hateful and cruel….it has boggled my mind for years.

We were in full-time ministry for many years and I have seen the worst of the worst. I have also served in the church as a lay person and still saw things that blew my mind. I’ve had horrible things said to me and about me….from people that don’t even know me. Then you watch these same people get up and sing or speak on love and forgiveness and it just sends me over the top. I can’t figure it out. It’s obviously been going on since the beginning of time. It’s called….sin. *Note….I’ve seen the best of the best and have so many sweet memories of wonderful godly people….so thankful!

Oh wait, unless you think I’m Miss Perfect and never do wrong….wrongo. I have caught myself many times thinking mean things about someone and by the grace of God, I am immediately reminded of who I am and who I represent and I seek forgiveness.

During this time of self examination (nothing else to do while staying in bed for weeks) The Holy Spirit reminded me, “Beverly, you have been harboring unforgiveness for things that happened to you years ago, it’s time….it’s time to let it go and get it settled.” Well, several pages of journaling and prayer, I got many things settled. Lot’s of forgiveness, lot’s of tears, lots of regrets. I could make excuses all day and say, “but, you don’t realize what she/he said to me!” “You don’t realize what a living nightmare they caused our family because of their hypocrisy.” I could go on and on, but, I heard in my heart, “Yes, Beverly, I know all about it and I carried you through all of that, it’s time for you to realize that you don’t need to worry about it anymore….just forgive.”

I can honestly say, that it feels so good to just let it go. I can honestly say, that yes….those thoughts pop up in my head from time to time and I have to remember that it doesn’t matter, I’ve forgiven and I’ve moved on.

I’ve also learned during this time that I am a Highly Sensitive Person. Yes, there is actually a term for it. After reading up on this, I thought, “Oh, so that’s why certain things have been hard for me!” Since I was very young, I take things to heart. I remember being in grade school and if I saw someone being mean to another person, it broke my heart. I could never make fun of anyone. I saw handicap kids be made fun of and cruel jokes made about teachers, other kids, etc…..I couldn’t handle it. It made me very sad. In high school, there was a girl in one of my classes that was constantly picked on by the “cool kids” in the class…..inside, my heart ached for that girl and to this day, I can remember where she sat, how she looked and the things they said and did to her. I often wonder where she is today. I so wish I would have been brave enough to take her by my side and protect her from such hatefulness, but….I didn’t…..as a shy kid, you miss out on doing things like that. But…if I could go back, I would!

When I see a homeless person on the corner begging for money…my heart aches. I wonder, where is his family…..does he have kids…..how did he get to this point in life…..many times I give money even though we aren’t supposed to and then I end up wiping tears away as I drive off. My heart aches for them.

Don’t even get me started on when I see children being mistreated while out and about. I can’t even….let’s move on…

I can get on Facebook just to catch up on everyones life and up pops tragedy….pictures of people in the hospital, pictures of actual wounds, yes, I’ve seen the grossest pictures on Facebook. Don’t understand why people like to share gross pictures, but, for people like me, it sends me over the edge…can’t handle it. I had a dear friend tell me that we weren’t created for so much information being thrown at us. Our minds are constantly overloaded with situations, tragedies, sadness from people all around the world that we don’t even know. Such as you reading this….I so hope that I can be an encouragement to you if you are dealing with any type of anxiety or just trying to figure out our interesting world that we are living in right now. I don’t have all the answers, but, I know who does. I’ve always felt that when we go through things that we are to figure it out and then help someone else…All the while giving all the glory to God for his goodness and mercy.

I have always had a hard time visiting someone in the hospital. When I walk in a hospital or even drive by it, I feel sadness…I hurt for the people suffering and the families dealing with all the issues of caring for someone and watching their loved ones suffer. It hurts me to the core. I actually will get sick to my stomach when I make a hospital visit. Needless to say, I make every excuse possible to not have to visit someone at the hospital. I know….terrible!

I watched a football game with my Jim yesterday and when I see a tackle and they go down hard, I get an actual tightness in my stomach. It’s like I can actually feel the pain they must feel. Makes me hurt!

All that to say, being a Highly Sensitive Person can be good. You have compassion for people, but, it also can hinder things. If you take so many sad things to heart and you stuff it down and don’t deal with them, it only hurts you. On a positive note…. I would rather be a very sensitive person than a cruel uncaring person. I’m thankful for that part.

Well, those are just a couple of the many things I have learned through this interesting situation. If you are like me, you believe that all things work together for good to those that love God….that would be me, so I have seen the good in many things and I can’t wait to share them with you, eventually. For now, I so hope that you will examine yourself and realize who you truly are and how God designed you and don’t let anyone make you feel less important or worthless because of how you are and how you think. Most importantly...You accept who you are. We are to accept how we are and become the best we can be with the gifts that we have and when we see a flaw in ourselves, we correct it and deal with it in a healthy manner. You are a special creation, created by an amazing and loving God. Don’t let anyone take that from you……ever. As a preacher I once knew would always say……”If someone doesn’t lift you up and they tear you down…..mark them and avoid them.” Simple, right? Well, you have to really work on it and be confident in yourself and most of all…………forgiving. We are all sinners saved by Grace… by a forgiving God. I so hope and pray that you know without doubt of this truth. If not, click here to learn how you can meet Him right now.

Until next time,

Who Me? Anxiety?

Again….I’m still here! I think that’s what I said on my last post, right? If you didn’t read my last post on my choking incident, you can click here to see what all transpired. I still can’t believe that happened. After what I’ve been through the last 4 1/2 months makes that seem like a walk in the park….well, sort of.

I have never had an anxiety or panic attack. I’ve never suffered from serious anxiety…..until 5 months ago.

In reading some of my stories on my blog, you know that I was extremely shy growing up and I have worked hard as an adult to overcome my shyness and with shyness comes fearfulness. Fearful of just about everything. I felt like as an older adult, I had a handle on it. I have been able to do things that as a child/teen I would never dream. Never thought about it or worried about it…..so I thought. Getting nervous about things, or deeply hurt by incidents was just a norm that I had learned to handle. How did I handle it? By stuffing it down and not dealing with it. Guess what….that’s not a good thing to do. If you are a stuffer like me, now is the time to stop. You don’t want to make waves, you want peace, so you stuff it down. You don’t want confrontation of any kind, so you stuff, you leave it alone, you forget about it…until something happens and it all bubbles out and what a disaster it will be. We will visit that subject on another post. I’ve learned a lot, trust me! If you look in the dictionary for the word “stuffer,” you will see my picture.

The only way I know how to describe what happened to me is to start from the beginning of this nightmare! In March we were having a wonderful time in Branson at a PraiseFest, which is a Southern Gospel Music Festival that lasts for three days. We’ve gone for the last several years and love it. As you know, in March, the big shut down began. While in a concert along with maybe 2,000 other people I was getting texts from friends and family asking me why we were there while the virus was quickly spreading. I was basically in the dark, I knew something was going on, but, I didn’t know to be in panic mode. I even got some comments on my social media from people telling me how irresponsible I was being for being there.

When the final concert was over, we had plans to stay longer in Branson and take in some shows and shopping. The hotel that we always stay in was starting preparations for shutting down. They told us we could stay through our reservation, though. After one day of being the only ones in the hotel, we decided we might want to head on home. With all the panic and shutdowns starting, I became a bit fearful. I had even wondered if we would get home. I had the thought, “What if they close the border of the various states we drive though and we can’t get home?” I couldn’t get home fast enough. I was worried about stopping at rest stops and restaurants all the way home. I’ve always been sort of a germaphobe, so I always am watchful for germs and I am the one who always has disinfectant wipes for everyone.

We finally made it home! I went into lockdown mode. I didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t even go see my mom as fear of if I had something I would spread it to her. I had a container of disinfectant wipes at the back door for when Jim came in. He even changed clothes in the garage for a while. I ordered our groceries, wiped everything down, etc. etc. As I’m sure you did as well. As you know, my choking incident happened a week after we got home.

I’m a news fan. I’ve always had a love for politics and current events. I had the television on with the news most of the day everyday. I listened as I worked around the house. I also listened to a talk radio program each day. This was during the time of the ventilator talk. Every time I heard the word ventilator, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My shortness of breath was scaring me. I was having a hard time swallowing. I even stopped taking my vitamins as they wouldn’t go down. I took very small bites when eating. When I laid down at night, I could feel my heart beating. I became fearful of having a heart attack. This went on for another couple of months.

One evening we went to dinner with some friends. I was asked to describe my choking escapade. As I began talking about it, I got very hot and I was having trouble breathing. Of course the joke of having a hot flash was said. Long story short, the next morning I woke up sick to my stomach. I thought maybe food poisoning or something. This went on for a week. I then went to the doctor. Was told I had a stomach virus. I was also told that I was hyperventilating. I was also given something for anxiety to calm me down. I wasn’t able to take the medication as it made me feel worse. I struggled to do anything. I became more and more fearful. I’ll spare you the details but, I did go to the emergency room one night and had a scope done and my esophagus was stretched to help with swallowing. I also had two ulcer like areas in my stomach.

After two days in the hospital, in my mind, I figured I was back to myself…but once I got home, the fearful thoughts and the constant nausea went on for another 2 1/2 months. I didn’t sleep hardly at all for those 2 1/2 months. I tried another medication and it was worse than the first one. I took it for two days and stopped. I had zero appetite. I lost 31 pounds during this time as well. I forced myself to eat applesauce and bananas and would gag each time I ate. I honestly thought I was going to die. I hurt all over. My stomach hurt constantly. No sleep. Fearful thoughts that wouldn’t stop. I could go on, but, I’ll spare you. And then….

I went to a Natural/ Holistic Doctor in our area. She examines your eyes and can see all that is going on in your body. She said that I looked like I had suffered what someone with PTSD goes through. A lot of emotional stress. She put me on a regimen of natural supplements. My body was depleted. Not to mention, she was the most kind and compassionate lady who convinced me that I was going to be fine and it would just take time. She assured me I wasn’t dying. How thankful I am for her.

During this time, my daughter-in-law was my huge encourager. She coached me through this entire ordeal with words of wisdom, love and truth. How thankful I am for her. My Jim has been amazing. I don’t know where I’d be right now if I didn’t have the support from these three amazing people! Not to mention, friends and family who assured me of their love and support.

As of today, I am almost at the end of this nightmare. The nausea finally left almost a month ago. No anxious surges throughout my body. I’m gaining my strength back (hopefully, not the weight) and still working on positive thinking.

Throughout this ordeal at the encouragement of my amazing DIL, I have been journaling about everything. I have realized that I have suppressed many things over the years of hurts and various things that have happened to me in my 61 years. What a journey this has been.

I have been a Christian since I was 14 and have lived my life for Him since then. I’ve read all the verses about worry, fear and trust. I thought I had those down pat! Evidently, I had some work to do in those areas. I have no idea how someone could go through this without the confidence of a loving Heavenly Father right by their side. I have never felt closer to God than I am now. He has carried me all these years through all the ups and downs. All those times when I just couldn’t understand the cruelty of people or when bad things happen, He was always there walking me through it. Having the peace of God is the most important thing to me. How grateful I am to have the confidence in my Savior!

I have learned so much about anxiety and am still learning. It’s very real and very scary. I had never been so scared in all of my life. I had no idea what was happening and how to stop it. I have also never worked so hard for something in my life while climbing out of the spiral of anxiety. I would never wish this on anyone. (Lot’s of I’s in this post…but, it is what it is)

The reason I am sharing is hopefully to help someone reading this. I know we aren’t given a manual for what to expect with anxiety. It’s like we have to figure it out ourselves. I did lot’s of searching and asking and found out that what I was going through was normal. I also found out that many people don’t have a clue what someone goes through. That is when I was the most frightened. It seems there are so many symptoms of anxiety and not everyone has them all. Everyone is different. So it’s encouraging when you read about someone that has the same symptoms as you do. You then, get a little relief in thinking, “Okay, maybe I’m not dying or going as crazy as I think I am.”

I will share more that I have learned on different posts only if I think it will encourage someone that is going through it or knows someone who is suffering from anxiety attacks. You have no idea how comforting words, affirmation, prayer and support helps someone as they are going through this.

So there, you go. I’m trying to keep it short to not overwhelm. I do have a few things to share as to possibly prevent something like this happening to you or someone you love and ways to support those going through it. Let’s just say, my eyes have been opened greatly!

Until next time…..

Here I Am!

I’m still here, I promise. I have so much to share with you since I last posted. I couldn’t believe it when I saw that our last time to visit was January 21st. Where does the time go? Everyday I think to myself, “I must share this on my next post!” Here we are almost a month and a half later.

Today, I’m going to share my crazy evening last night. I still can’t believe it happened.

Tomorrow, I’ll do a post to catch up on what else has been going on and announce the winners of my book give away. Forgive me for taking so long on that little project!

Yesterday was my second day to be under self-quarantine. We just returned from a trip and we were around lot’s of folks, so I thought for safety I would stay in. I have my long list of things to get done that I’m anxious to accomplish during this time. Speaking of…..isn’t this a scary time? We will talk about that tomorrow. Back to my crazy story…

Since I am staying in, I have told myself, “No eating out!” So you know what that means…..back to my cooking mitts. Which, so sorry, isn’t my favorite thing to do. But, I’m positive and I’m going to change my ways.

I was so proud, I put my chicken out to thaw yesterday and then I marinated it and put it on a grill for dinner. By the time my Jim got in, it was ready. I set our little area on the bar where we usually eat when I cook and began eating as we caught up on the day. After I took my first bite of the chicken, I think I was talking at the same time…I can’t remember. All I do remember is getting the hiccups and my chest hurt terribly. I sat there for about 5 minutes trying to breath slowly as Jim was talking away. He then said, “are you okay?” I held my hand up and shook my head yes and got up to walk around thinking that would help my food go on down. Well, it seemed to get worse. It was lodged in my chest and it hurt like crazy. I was getting scared as I have a HUGE fear of not being able to breath. I have nightmares about it a lot. Anyway, Jim kept wanting to help me, but there was nothing he could do and I was trying to stay calm and I thought relaxing would help. It didn’t. After 20-25 minutes, I was thinking, “I’m going to die.” Jim kept telling me I was okay, to just relax and breath. I then was able to say, “Call 911!” My hands were tingling so bad I couldn’t hold on to anything and my face was starting to have that same tingling sensation. I couldn’t swallow. I felt like my air was harder to breath.

Let me just stop here and say, If you know me very well, you know that I am terrified of anything to do with a doctor, hospital, needles, etc.! I don’t know, I’m guessing a couple of things when I was a child that happened has made me paranoid. I have trouble breathing when I have to go to the hospital to visit someone…it’s bad. I seriously could have an anxiety attack when in hospitals or doctors offices. I know, I need counseling. I have no idea how I had two children…Anyway…

The paramedics arrived in about 5 minutes. The entire time I was sitting down with my eyes closed. I couldn’t open them. Jim kept saying “look at me.” I could hardly hold my eyes open. I was quoting scripture in my head:

Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
 Give us this day our daily bread.
 And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

My other favorite scripture when I get in a pickle is:

“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

I was also saying, “Lord, you know I’m scared of choking and not being able to breath, give me strength for this!”

By then the paramedics were checking my vitals? Is that what they are called? They said I was getting plenty of oxygen and that I needed to get to the emergency room as it was lodged in my esophagus. I could barely stand up as they put me on the stretcher. I felt very safe as I knew if my breathing got blocked they could help.

Of course also going through my mind was the CoronaVirus. As they held my hand they had gloves on and I remember thinking, “Are those gloves clean?” Anyway…

As they pushed the stretcher out on the porch to head to the ambulance…..it happened. I’ve never thrown up like that before. Usually when you have to throw up, you know it and you are waiting for it. Bam! I threw up all over myself and I heard one of the medics say, “There it is!”

Lord have mercy! I was so embarrassed and relieved at the same time. I wanted to just cry. I said, “Hallelujah!” I’m sure they thought, “we’ve got us a real winner here!”

They said “let’s get her back inside so the neighbors don’t have to watch this!” Long story short, I’m in my entry way on a stretcher with throw up all over me and they are taking my “vitals” again. My blood pressure was pretty high but they said that was expected for what I just went through. They were the nicest guys. Did I say that already? I was wearing my leggings with a long sweat shirt type thing. They asked if I could take my sweater off to do the blood pressure, etc. Thank the Lord I had the presence of mind to say, “I don’t have a shirt on under this.” Can you imagine if I said, “Okay!” Which I have a story about that one, but another day!

They left and I got cleaned up and put my jammies on and talked to my kiddos on the phone to let them know that my time was almost up but I made it. They are stuck with me a little longer.

Thankful for my Jim who helped me not panic any more than I did! He was patient, a bit scared and kept me safe! If he wouldn’t have been home, I probably wouldn’t be writing this right now.

One more lesson from this:

As they were taking me to the ambulance another thought went through my head:

“I’m so glad I got up this morning and took my shower, put my make up on, fixed my hair and even put jewelry on as I was hanging around the house for my 2nd day of self-quarantine.” Can I get another Hallelujah!

Let’s hope Day 3 of staying home isn’t as eventful.

FYI….As of Thursday, March 19th, late afternoon, my comments are now working. I know so many left some sweet comments on my FaceBook page, so feel free to leave a comment here as well or you can always email me, too!

The Time Has Come…

Yes, the time has come! I’ve been putting it off long enough and just have to put a stop to it and do something serious and drastic. Oh, yes, I have played around with it and pretended I was serious and “tried” a few things to correct it. On the average all the things that I’ve tried, it probably lasted maybe a day or two.

What am I talking about? The dreaded “D” word! DIET! I know, I know…I’ve read all the articles where you aren’t supposed to say “diet.” The word die is is in it, right, I get it. I also have read where you just be careful in what you eat, etc. Well…something is wrong with me because that isn’t working!

We just returned from a fun trip to Carmel, California. What a beautiful place it was. I knew that when I returned home, I would begin some type of plan to get rid of my extra fluff once and for all. I just wasn’t sure. Yes, I prayed about it. Read several things on losing weight and it was always on my mind. Well…..I’m home now.

The Time Has Come!

I’m one of those people that has tried many different things to lose weight. The word is try. Maybe for a day. I also believe anything will work if you do it. That’s the key phrase….DO IT! (for longer than a day or one week)

I did lose weight a few years ago and oh, my goodness, I felt so good. I felt so good that I didn’t keep doing what I was doing to lose the weight. I got lazy in my walking and watching what I ate. So, here I sit wondering why I was so crazy to let that happen.

I never really had a weight problem growing up. When I got married my wedding dress was a size 8. I think that’s the last time I saw an 8 in my dress size. When we had our first little cutie pie I gained much weight…should I say how much? Okay, I gained almost 60 pounds. I loved Butterfingers and dip cones from Dairy Queen. I treated myself one too many times, evidently. I lost most of the weight after she was born. Three years later we had our next cutie pie. Don’t ask me what happened….I think my favorite treat was… everything….I’m not sure how much I gained etc. because we didn’t have a scale and I never weighed….but….I do know what the nurse told me when I was in the hospital about to deliver our cute little red head. That number will forever be etched on my brain. I can still see the number, too. Nope, I’m not telling what that number is. Maybe when I get over this hurdle I will because….right now, I’m just a few pounds away from that very number. I could say it’s baby weight, but, my baby is 33 years old. Let’s move on…

So, Beverly what in the world are you going to do? So glad you asked!

I’m going to begin the Jenny Craig plan. I’m committing to 2 months of doing the program. I’ve already ordered the materials and food. I cleaned out the pantry and refrigerator and here I sit waiting for the arrival of my life for the next 8 weeks. I know the food is really good because Jenny Craig is one of those things that I tried before for about 3-4 days. I can’t remember what got in my way to stop…but, that was so yesterday. Not thinking about that….

With me sharing my plan for this major hurdle that I have been battling for awhile will help me stay committed. Right? We will see….

Feel free to follow along on my Instagram and Facebook as I’ll be sharing the details of my 8 weeks on Jenny Craig. I may write about it once and a while on my blog.

So, to go along with my series of being ready for 2020…..this is the one on getting my self back in shape. 2020 is the year. Okay, I said that about 2019….but, I’m serious now! Really, I am.

If you are wanting to get your weight under control in 2020, hopefully, we can encourage one another.

Here is a before picture! You didn’t think I was going to take one of those where you are standing in a pair of yoga pants and a crop top did you? Nope, not me….this will have to do.

Okay….one more. I think we get the picture….Now Is The Time!

I’m excited to share what the next subject is on Being Ready for 2020! I’ll be back to share in a couple of days. Until then, I will hopefully be shrinking away.

Oh, one more thing….I think I forgot to mention that I will be getting back to my walking program. I know! I do not like exercise at all! Even walking. I don’t like to sweat. I don’t like to wear walking shoes and walking clothes. I always said I would not be one of those people who live in workout clothes….but, NOW IS THE TIME for now anyway. Don’t get me wrong…it’s great for other people.. I just don’t like it for me. As I’ve learned many times….Never Say Never.

Click here to read about Being Thankful in 2020

Click here to read about Letting the Negativity Go in 2020

Click here to read about Being Organized and Clutter Free in 2020

Organized and Clutter Free In 2020….

You knew that the organization post was coming, didn’t you? I love organizing and I work at it all the time. The last couple of years, I have unintentionally let some things pile up in places that are easily hidden. You know the old saying, “out of sight, out of mind.” For me, this is true. So, I’ve been busy weeding out some things and organizing. I am making sure that every nook and cranny (don’t you love that saying?) is completely clutter free and organized.

I began in our bedroom. Every drawer was completely cleaned out and I had a throw away pile, get rid of pile and a pile to put elsewhere. When I finished with that, I cleaned from top to bottom. Then I moved on to the bathroom and closet. This took longer as I love…..”stuff!” Clothes, jewelry, make-up, skin care and just stuff…..woowee! I got it done though and it feels so good to know that everything that is lurking in my closet, cabinets and drawers are exactly what I want, need and use. Everything else is gone.

I’m doing this same process throughout our entire house. It may take me awhile, but, I’ll get it done and oh, how nice it will be to finish. Whenever I get rid of things, I picture in my mind our house raising up a little bit with the weight taken out. 🙂

When I’m clutter free and organized, I think better and I can enjoy life a little bit better. If I know that I have a pile of something that needs to be dealt with, I can’t concentrate on anything else. So for my peace of mind, I have to de-clutter and organize.

Something that I also do is I keep a spiral notebook with me when I work on projects. I have a page for each room of our home. As I am working on a cabinet or drawer or even cleaning and I see something that I need to do in that room at a later time, I write it down. Such as, I want to redecorate one of my rooms, so I made a list of my goals for that room. Another room, a cabinet knob needs replacing. I write it on my list so I’ll be sure and get it ordered. I’m a huge list maker. Once I get something on a list and out of my brain, I think better and I don’t become overwhelmed. If I just remember to read my list, I’ll be good to go!

I help my mom with her house, so I have a journal for her house as well and I have one for our get away home. Hey, it keeps me out of trouble! (sometimes)

I caught a bad cold after Christmas and when I finally got my Christmas decor down, I stacked it in my Christmas closet in our garage and sad to say, not very orderly. I have a large walk-in closet that is just for my Christmas decorations. Well, as time went on I just couldn’t get the energy to finish packing it all away and it seemed overwhelming to me. I knew of two young ladies that help people with organizing and I called them. They came over and it took them about 6 hours to organize all of my Christmas. It is now all color coded and labeled. That was the best gift I have given myself in a long time. I love it and was so thankful for their help!

My main areas that I tend to let get cluttered and messy are:

Books – You would think I was a genius by my book collection!

Magazines – I love magazines and dream of being the perfect cook, seamstress, decorator and stylist.

Clothes – What can I say? I love clothes.

Jewelry – Ditto on jewelry. Sorry, not sorry!

Make-Up/Skincare – Again, you would think I knew what I was doing in this department. Always looking for the magic formula! What can I say?

My Office File Drawers – I’m always writing and doing research on something and I tend to stack a few things here and there.

My Craft Room and Closet – You would think I was Martha Stewart. Not!

I have to stay on top of these areas or it will get out of control very fast. I seem to do pretty good everywhere else.

Did you notice, I don’t have any issues in the kitchen? The most organized room in the house. I wonder why?

Matter of fact, I need to finish this blog post and get started on my kitchen cabinets. ( I probably need to dust the dishes or something.)

If you are decluttering and organizing for the new year, keep on and don’t stop until you are finished. You will be so glad you did.

One more thing in the cleaning department. At the first of the new year I replace all of my mops, buckets, brooms, sponges and toilet bowl brushes. Fresh start for a fresh beginning. I also keep cleaning supplies for each bathroom under the cabinet in each bathroom. I have a main cabinet in my laundry room where I keep supplies as well. I just couldn’t get into carrying a cleaning caddy throughout the house. When my cleaning supplies are in every room, I can clean a bathroom at a moments notice and not have to drag supplies around. I also found that a basket or a lazy susan works great to hold all the cleaning supplies in each bathroom/kitchen.

I love hearing from you on your organizing or cleaning tips. So feel free to share in the comments or an email.

It’s just mid January and look how good we are doing. We’ve covered:

Having a thankful heart and showing it in writing….

Letting the negativity go in 2020…..

and now….decluttering and organizing….

We are doing good! What could possibly be next? Any guesses?

Let Negativity Go In 2020

Let’s continue on with our discussion on things that I’m working on for the new year. We talked about being thankful in my last post and showing our thankfulness in writing. If you missed it, click here to read.

When looking back on 2019, I am most frustrated by letting the negative things have a strong hold in my life. I could list them for you, but, I won’t as to bore you to death. There are some crazy things that are just plain old negative going on and sometimes I get really discouraged by them. When we are discouraged, we have a tendency to think:

“What’s the use”

“Who cares”

“I give up”

“I’m not trying anymore”

“I’ll never trust anyone ever again”

“I’m done”

“I’m depressed”

…and it goes on and on.

I’m sure you can list something that you have said in your mind when the negative elements of life hit you in the face.

I’m basically a very easy going person. I’m on the quiet side and I love a quiet easy life. I don’t have to have lot’s of noise and things going on all the time to be fulfilled. Although, I love to go and see new places and meet new people. I have many friends who I’ve known for many years and I also love making new friends. I will go out of my way to nurture my friendships.

I am crazy about my family. Each one of them mean more to me than I can even express in writing. I will do whatever it takes to make sure they know how much I love each one of them.

I am so very thankful that I know without a doubt who my creator is. So thankful that I put all of my faith and trust in Christ at the age of 14 and have never regretted, doubted or looked back. As a new believer there was a short time I had questions as the things I was learning in the textbooks and by teachers at school didn’t add up to what I was hearing at church. I came to a decision that my Bible was where I would get my answers. My faith has only gotten stronger year after year. For this I am grateful. So, I am sensitive to those that have chosen to not believe because I can see how in the world that we have, it would be easier to not believe in a creator. It makes me even more thankful for my strong faith. It doesn’t come easy for some.

So, when life is so good and you have a thankful heart… how can negativity creep in?

So glad you asked that.

*If you turn on the t.v and especially if you are a news junkie like me, you will see the negative. I don’t watch the local news, if I did, I wouldn’t leave my house! I’m a FOX News fan and I watch a couple of my favorite commentators in the evening. Woo….weee……as my mom has always said, “The world is going to hell in a hand basket!” I can only handle so much. I do want to stay on top of things in the world. I don’t want to be ignorant of things going on out there. As a young girl, I had to do a report on current events and my grandfather gave me a huge stack of a news magazine collection he had of current events around the world. That was the first time I had seen or heard of things going on in our world. I was amazed. Since that time, I’ve been intrigued with issues going on in our world. It does seem like the negative outweighs the good in our world.

*People seem to be on edge every where you turn. The city I live in is going through a boom due to the oil industry. It is busy and crowded. Many rude drivers abound and it seems everyone is out for themselves. When you go to a retail establishment or restaurant, it is refreshing when you meet an unhurried and friendly person….pretty rare. It’s almost like, you take what you can get in the food area when dining out. That’s why I love to travel, you get really good service in places that aren’t desperate for help.

*People. Yes, you read that correctly…people. We live in a culture of “It’s all about me!” “Like it or leave it!” “I can treat you anyway I want and there is nothing you can do about it.” “I don’t need a friend, I have plenty!” “If you don’t look and act how I think you should, you aren’t worth my time.” Yep, we all know people like that. Sometimes we sit next to them at church, we live next door to them and yes, they are even in our families. I know; not fun at all. Someone told me once, “You would be the last person I would be friends with; just because you are family doesn’t mean I like you.” Alrighty then…..next! 😉 Negative words sting, don’t they? Negative words also stick! Isn’t it funny that we can remember the negative words and we can barely remember the positive words that are said to us. That’s why it’s important to always affirm strangers, friends and family with your positive words. Tell others what you appreciate about them and why. You might change someones life just with your kind words.

*Social media is everywhere. I don’t think we can get away from it. There are good things that can come from social media, though. I am learning to pace myself and figure out how social media will and won’t be a part of my life. Let’s just say this…..I am so very thankful that social media wasn’t around when I was a teen. Yikes! I feel sorry for the kids that live and breath social media and miss out on the interaction of a real human voice and face. Trust me, it shows out in the real world. I think that’s how the “it’s all about me” culture is growing.

Well, I guess we will stop there. You get the picture, right?

Have some negative thoughts, emotions and people held you back in the past? It’s time to just let it go. Let 2020 be the year that you let all those negative thoughts, things and even negative people from the past go! You can’t change any of it. You can change you, though. You can change how you think about all of those things.

Be the person that someone will say about you:

“Wow, does she know what they said about her? Why does she look so happy and peaceful?”

“Does she not know the world is in shambles, why is she so peaceful and content?”

“Does she know how I’m treating her? Why does she keep being nice to me?”

Have you heard the southern gospel song that says, “I read the back of the book and we win?” I hope you are reading the right book, (God’s Word)….because if you are, then you know, we have nothing to worry about. Trust me, there are plenty of books that contradict God’s Word and those books don’t give any hope at all. How thankful I am for the hope that I have in Jesus Christ.

Do you have some things you need to let go this year once and for all?

I just thought of another song that says, “This world is not my home, I’m just a passin’ through!” Hallelujah! For this I am thankful! Until then, let’s make 2020 the best year ever for us and our families by being positive, happy and content regardless of the negativity that is thrown our way on a daily basis. We got this….

The Art of Saying Thank You…

Happy New Year! I love the way 2020 looks, don’t you? I asked if you were ready for 2020 in my picture. That’s a silly question isn’t it? It really doesn’t matter if you are or you aren’t, because it’s here!

I love fresh starts so the beginning of the year is always a fun time for me. I came down with a cold and I think I’m about over it, but, I don’t have much energy. I do have energy to think and contemplate on how I hope my 2020 goes. So much controversy these days about resolutions and goals. I love setting goals and yes, I make resolutions with myself. Only I know if they don’t work and if they don’t, so be it…if they do…yay me! I think we should always be striving to be better in an area of our lives that we need improvement on or starting a new project or learning a new skill. It doesn’t even have to be the first of the year to do that, but, what a great time to begin…..the beginning of 2020. As I was journaling some thoughts and also wondering what I was going to write about on my blog, I thought….I’ll just write about the things I’m working on. Two things might be accomplished.

#1- It will help me to be more diligent in my task

#2 -It might encourage someone else in some way.

I will share one thing on each post as not to overwhelm anyone. (or myself) They also aren’t in any order of importance. I will choose something that is really speaking to me for the day.

Guess what is speaking to me today?

Being Diligent in Writing Thank You Notes!

I first have to tell you my horror story about… Thank You Notes!

When I was engaged to be married to my Jim, the deacon and staff wives at our church gave me a beautiful wedding shower. At that time in my life I was not used to receiving gifts at all. If you follow my blog and know of my childhood, you will understand. One of the deacon wives told me that I needed to go pick out china, glassware and various things that I would like to set up housekeeping. That idea just blew my mind and I was very uncomfortable doing so. But, I did it and with the guidance of this particular lady who happened to work at a very nice bed and bath boutique. She helped me pick out some fun things. I never dreamed I would be given most of it. What fun that was setting up our little house with such beautiful things. I was also told that I needed to send out thank you notes to everyone that came to our shower. I was given a list of all the gifts along with the names of who gave them to us.

One day I went shopping in a drugstore for some shampoo etc. and I saw a basket full of small thank you cards. They were plain white with a beautiful “Thank You” font on the front of the card. They were marked down to $2.00. I bought several of them. While we were on our honeymoon I wrote out thank you’s each day. I read up on how to write the correct thank you note and was so proud when I finished them. We bought stamps and put them in the mail. Done! Yay!

Then a few weeks later, I received a package from the post office. Inside was a note that said many of my cards had been destroyed due to the size of the cards and weren’t salvageable. They did have a few that were barely intact that they sent back to me. The note also said that some of them went through and they just weren’t sure how many made it and how many didn’t. I was dumbfounded! I didn’t have a clue what to do. 40 years later, I know what I should have done, but at the age of 20, I was clueless. Where was that deacon wife….I should have called her. I sat down and rewrote a handful of cards to some that I could read the names on and just let all the rest go. I am pretty sure my name was not spoke of in a positive way for all those that didn’t receive a thank you from me. I shared my story with as many that would listen, but, who knows.

All that to say, since that time I am a stickler on thank you notes. Not from others, but, from myself. I cannot rest until I get a thank you out for a gift or a kind deed that was done for me or my family. I’m sure I’ve dropped the ball many times, but, I have tried my best. When my kids were young, I taught both of them the art of a thank you note. They wrote thank you’s each time someone gave them a gift, even when we were told, “No, we are family, you don’t have to write a thank you.” We did anyway. By the way, don’t ever make a child feel like they shouldn’t have to write a thank you. It is only building character and a skill that they will need for the future. In my humble opinion.

Having a thankful heart is the beginning to having a good attitude about things and people in our lives. If we become unthankful and think we deserve things that are given to us, we will eventually become bitter and ungrateful. Writing a thank you note is just an outward showing of your true heart. It also has to be taught. Our children aren’t born with the knowledge of how to show thankfulness for someones kindness. We teach them those things.

I have a collection of books on etiquette and have read a lot on the art of note writing. By the way, be sure to read at the end of this post about a give away of one of my favorite books.

I’ll just sum up my own advice on writing a thank you note.

*You don’t have to use fancy notecards, it can be as simple as just a piece of paper and envelope. What fun it is though, to have an assortment of cute thank you notes that match your personality. I always have a large assortment of notecards at my desk ready to write at a moments notice.

*In a simple thank you, you can get straight to the point and thank the person you are writing for whatever deed or gift was given to you. Always name what was given and tell something about it. Such as why you love it or how you will use it. If someone gave you a monetary gift or gift card, mention the amount. “Such as Thank you so much for the generous gift of 1,000,000.00. I plan on buying a house next spring and this will come in handy.” Instead of “Thanks for the money.” One of my favorite thank you’s that I received from a young man said, “Thank you for the birthday gift, I can’t remember what it was but, thank you!” That made me laugh out loud. I saved it in my keepsake box. At least he was honest, right?

*I read that you have up to 10 days to write a thank you. I guess that is about how long it would take for someone to wonder if you received their gift and liked it or not. If I happen to wait longer than that, I will apologize for taking so long to write.

*For me, if I have several thank you’s to write, I have to pace them out. There is something about writing several notes at once. It makes me feel so rushed and my writing gets sloppy and I’m writing to get it over with. Isn’t that terrible? So, I have learned to pace myself and only write a few at a time, so each note will be more meaningful. Maybe I’m the only one that has that problem. When I have a thank you to write, I put it on my to do list and mark it off when I put it in the mail.

*Something else to think about is, you can write a thank you note to someone just for being a blessing in your life They don’t have to give you anything but their kindness and friendship. You could change someone’s day or life just by sending a simple little note in the mail. Everyone needs affirmation. I bet you can think of several that you could send a note to right now.

I hope that helps somehow. I know for me, I want to be more caring in my note writing and being thankful for the people in my life. Oh, how I shudder to think of all the people that I may have offended because they never received a thank you from me for a beautiful wedding gift. I do know how it feels to go and pick something out special for someone or even give money to and you never hear a word. You want to ask about it just in case it got lost, but then, you don’t want to offend at the same time. I’ve heard ladies over the years say very hurtful and mean things about someone when they didn’t receive a thank you for a gift they gave. I never want to be like that.

When we give a gift, we give it. No questions asked, nothing expected in return.

But….what a joy it is to receive a kind note from a thankful heart. It can make your day a little brighter.

Who do you know that needs to have words shared with them to make their day a little bit better! It’s so easy. All it takes is time.

A GIVEAWAY!

I have 5 brand new copies of one of Joy Weaver‘s book. She is one of my favorites on etiquette and is also a dear friend!

You know I love comments so be sure to leave a comment and I will draw five names from the comments section. If you aren’t a subscriber, click on the link on my sidebar and you will begin receiving my latest updates whenever I make a post on my blog. If you do subscribe, your name will go in on the drawing as well.

Traveling With Beverly – Fall 2019



It’s been and busy and fun fall so far. I’m catching up on my “On The Road With Beverly.” I know you have been anxiously awaiting. (wink) I do know that I need to catch up, though, so for those that like to follow along; put on your seat belt, here we go…

In October, my mom and I flew to Birmingham, Alabama for the Southern Lady Celebration. Have you ever read any of the Southern Lady magazines published by Hoffman Media? If not, you will love them! Several years ago, they had a yearly celebration and then stopped hosting the yearly event. My mom and I attended three of them in the past; Dallas, Savannah and Atlanta. This year, Southern Lady is back with their celebration, yay! Perfect birthday gift for my mom.

The event was held at the Wynfrey Hotel that is attached to the Galleria Hotel. Perfect! We flew in, rented a car and made our way to the hotel. Got checked in and settled. The first evening we were part of the VIP group that got to attend a special dinner at the home of the editor of Southern Lady Magazine, Phyllis Hoffman DePiano. She has a lovely home and the living/dining room was set up with several round tables. The meal was catered by a young lady that has a catering business and restaurant in Birmingham. Our meal was delicious! Mrs. DePiano, then spoke for a few minutes and played the piano for us to end the evening. She is an amazing pianist. As we left her beautiful home, she gifted each one of us a beautiful journal in hopes to inspire us to write. She has a wonderful blog called, The Ribbon In My Journal. Click here to be directed to her blog.

Such a beautiful kitchen! This is the only picture I took. I get so caught up in things that I forget to take pictures! I so regret not taking more! Trust me….it was beautiful!

The 3 day celebration began the next morning with guest speakers such as Jeanne Robertson, a story teller that will have you in stitches as she speaks with a southern girl accent. As a former Miss South Carolina (or is it North Carolina?) and married to her husband that she calls, Left Brain, she has many humorous stories to tell. She is a favorite of ours.

We also had a couple of cooking demos, floral arrangement demos and an inspiring message by the creator of Vietri tableware. Also, the star of Say Yes to the Dress, Lori Allen, was part of the lineup of great speakers. Phyllis Hoffman DePiano shared a couple of devotionals that were inspiring and encouraging. Each time we came to our seat for a new session, we would have several gifts. Always fun to see what we will be stuffing in our suitcase to take home!

Happy 81st birthday, Mom!

I wish you could have been there! There is always next year. We plan on attending, so join us! I also plan on taking many more pictures next time. If you missed my post on the cookies that my granddaughter and I made from a recipe that was demonstrated this weekend, you can click here to read.

As soon as I got home, I had two days to unpack and pack again for a trip to Myrtle Beach, SC. We decided to drive the 22 hours to South Carolina! I would be attending a retreat while my husband golfed. When I wasn’t in sessions, we found some great places to shop, eat and explore. It is off season, so wasn’t crowded at all. Our hotel was right on the beach. Such a beautiful view and a such a quaint hotel for a Myrtle Beach get away! It rained one day, which I LOVE rain, so it didn’t bother me at all.

View from our room.
My retreat friends.

We decided to leave a day early and drive on to Asheville, North Carolina! We thought to be so close, how could we not! We called the hotel at the Biltmore and they had a room. Yay! This was our third time to be there and I LOVE that place! It was beautiful as always. We had dinner in the “fancy dining room.” They bring you different courses at different times, so we were in there for quite some time. Plus, I learned a few things about fine dining.

When we left Asheville, we drove through Johnson City, TN. We lived there for a few short months a few years ago and I love that place! We drove by our house we leased while there and looked around at some other sites we remembered. Then on to Memphis, our stopping point! We stayed in Memphis on our way to Myrtle Beach and now again on our way back to Texas. Our first time to stay at the Bass Pro Shop lodge. Oh me! It was so much fun. We dined in the restaurant that is at the top of the pyramid and rode the glass elevator. It is taller than the Statue of Liberty. I don’t do heights very well. I had to do it though….if I wanted to eat dinner. Our room was amazing! I didn’t want to leave, but, we had to get back to Texas! Our granddaughter was turning 16 and we weren’t going to miss it.

A little strange to have window in the bathroom from the room. But, what can I say?
The balcony overlooks the Bass Pro Shop. It’s all indoors!

Next stop….Texas Hill Country. We made it to see our granddaughter before she left for her birthday trip to Nashville!

Then….back home in time to take our two grandsons to see a Nick Jr. Live Show!

Next on list was the Fall Fundraiser for The Life Center with guest speaker, Trey Gowdy! I love hearing him speak and we got to meet him and receive a signed copy of his latest book! Very inspiring evening with family and friends!

As soon as I was all settled in at home it was time for another Mom/Daugher trip to Fort Worth, Texas! We have attended a southern gospel event the past couple of years and it was time for this years concert. It was a fun weekend. We met some friends that I haven’t seen in a few years! Loved all the music and the atmosphere was so much fun!

David Phelps was a one of the many artists that sang during the weekend. As usual, I got caught up in the concert and I didn’t take pictures of the several other groups!
I have some sweet memories with these life long friends! So fun to enjoy the concert with them.

Okay, I’m all caught up with what’s going on in my world. I’m now preparing to decorate for Christmas as soon as I return from……

I’ll let you know soon! I wonder where? (hint…one of my favorite spots!)

Veterans Day 2019

This morning I watched a ceremony that was on the Fox News Channel. It was a swearing in ceremony for new citizens of America. Lee Greenwood sang our National Anthem plus his famous song, I’m Proud to Be An American! It was a very moving ceremony and made me even more thankful than I already am to be an American. Each new American made a statement of how thankful they were to be in a free country. Yes, I cried as I watched. I love my country and I try so hard not to take my freedoms for granted.

I’m posting a link to a couple of past Veteran’s Day posts. I do hope they inspire you or encourage you today.

Remembering all those that have served on this Veteran’s Day!

This post is a story from a dear friend of mine who never met her father as he was serving in the military and his plane was shot down while her mom was expecting her. It is a very moving story and I thought you might like to read it if you haven’t already. Click here to read about Allison’s father.

Click here to read about a crazy dream I had while my brother was serving in the Marine Corps during Desert Storm.

Earlier this year I had a post that was a question and answer layout. Towards the end of the post, you will see a picture of my husband, brother and my father when they served in the military….so, just scroll to the end of the post and you will see it. Click here if you would like to see a short write up of their service.

Thanks for reading along today and have a great day remembering those that are and have served our country. If you see a veteran or an active military while out and about…..tell them….Thank you!

May God continue to bless America!