Empty Nest Living

Remember all those years wondering if you would ever be able to be consistent in your time of praying and reading your Bible daily without all the fun interruptions of caring for your children?  Well, this is it!  When your children have soared out of the nest, you are now responsible for every second of your day and you get to plan it with what works best for you.  Sounds so selfish, doesn’t it?  Your days are designed a little bit different now.

Setting a time to sit in the quiet with just you and your Bible is important.  Reading God’s Word is how we come to know who He is, how He thinks and what He wants for our lives.  Do you have a certain way that you read your Bible?  My goal, notice I said goal!  Somedays, I don’t reach my goal, but I strive for it.  This is how I read my Bible:

One chapter of Proverbs (the one that corresponds with the day of the month.  There are 31 chapters, so I read one a day.)

One chapter of the Psalms

One chapter of the Old Testament

One chapter of the New Testament

One chapter of The Four Gospels (I read through Matthew, Mark, Luke and John)

I then have a Bible study that I’m usually working through that I will sit down to do sometime during the day.  *At the end of this series, I will have a list of some of my favorite Bible studies in the Resource section.

It’s always nice to be involved in a Bible study with others, too.  You may have some going on through your church or you can start one with friends.  Studying God’s Word with others is always a plus.

Attending church changes a little bit when the nest is empty.  It’s a bit quieter.  You are no longer getting your kids to their classes and activities or being around the busyness of church life with children and teens.  If you are like me, you feel a little out of the loop. This is an important time to have teaching; we are never too old to be taught the amazing things of God.  You always want to be learning.  If you think you have heard it all and have learned it all, you might be listening to the wrong voice.  Also, if the opportunity arises, if you can teach, work in a class or lead a ministry, you will want to do that; you will grow even more and then the opportunity to share….what a blessing!

I do hope you are in a good church that inspires you and encourages you in your walk with Christ.  I also hope that you are able to use your gifts in encouraging others in the church as well.  If not, you may need to find a new place to worship and serve.

Many years ago, we had joined a small church.  It was during a difficult season of our lives and we just wanted to be somewhere that we could sit and listen to God’s Word and be around positive people.  We joined this church simply because we had some sweet friends that attended there.  Long story short, it became a huge hindrance in our lives.  The messages we heard were negative and angry.  A majority of the people were angry.  We felt like we had stepped into someone else’s space and we were not welcome.  We hung on as long as we could and the Lord made a way for us to escape, I mean leave.  I’m telling you this story to encourage you to be in a positive church that loves people and preaches and teaches the true gospel of Christ.  If you are going somewhere that is negative and the people are unfriendly, you might want to find a place that helps you in your Christian walk.  Please note, there has never been a perfect church, simply because people aren’t perfect.  You and I aren’t perfect, right?  But you do want to be in a God honoring, serious minded, people loving church.  Life is too short to be miserable in your church life.

Holy living is just as important now as it was when your children were home in their nest.  We should live our lives to honor God, not because someone is watching.  You will also want to encourage your spouse in their walk with Christ daily.  Don’t take for granted that someone doesn’t need encouragement and inspiration from you.

If you have not reached the empty nest years yet, I have some advice for you:

Find your time to spend time alone with God each day.

Teach your children to do the same.

Get in to God’s Word, like really get into His Word and study.  Become a student of the many stories and lessons in your Bible.  Apply them to your life.

Be in a good church that teaches God’s Word and loves people and shares the gospel.

Be around godly people that inspire and encourage you.

Strive to live a life that honors and glorifies God.

Know what you believe and why.

Make sure your children understand.  Don’t leave it to others to teach them.  You teach them.  As they get older, there will be plenty of people that will try their best to teach them different and convince them that they have been taught wrong.  You want those roots to go deep!

Share the amazing grace of Christ with others.

What a beautiful time to serve God; in the child raising years and the empty nest years!

To see the other posts in this series you can click here to go to that page.

Today we are going to talk about, Forgiveness.  You might be saying, “Beverly, what does forgiveness have to do in Making a Full House a Home for Two?”  When we are setting the tone of our home, we want it to be peaceful, right?  Where unforgiveness lives, you probably won’t find much peace. Having a forgiving heart is an important trait to have regardless of what season of life you are in.  The sooner you can develop a forgiving heart, the happier your home and life will be.

The older we get, the more life experiences we have and guess what….the more disappointments and hurts we will have.  When we have been wronged, our natural reaction is to hurt back and then hold a grudge.  Have you heard the saying, “hurt people, hurt people?”  I have a feeling all those people that you are thinking of that have disappointed you, have been disappointed by someone else.

Who are you not forgiving today?  Maybe, today is the day to just…forgive.  Many times we won’t forget what has been done to us, but we can forgive and not let bitterness build up in our hearts.  Bitterness is not pretty.  Bitterness keeps you from having peace.  It also invites negativity to take over your thoughts, words and actions.  Have you ever been around a negative person?  Do you know someone who never sees the good in anything.  They have a problem with everyone and everything.  Not pleasant is it?  I have a feeling it all started with not forgiving someone of a wrong that was done to them.

Unforgiveness has a few friends; Bitterness, Anger, Negativity and Jealousy!  Don’t allow them to take over your life.  They are destroyers.  They can destroy your peace, your family, your friends and your future.

I’ve had my share of hurts, trust me.  I have family members that I’ve had to forgive due to cruel things that were said and I’ve had to ask forgiveness as well.  Yes, there are some that don’t care if they hurt, they want to hurt.  My husband and I were in full-time ministry for many years and when you are betrayed and hurt by church members and church leaders, it cuts to the core of everything you are.  A few times, it was almost unbearable.  I’ve had to work through some words that were spoken and deeds that were done that I didn’t want to forgive.  I wanted to hurt back.  I wanted them to know how bad they hurt my family and I.  I finally had to come to terms that I was only hurting myself.  I had to get the victory over my unforgiveness.  I was becoming bitter and negative.  It also made me non-trusting.  That is no way for a child of God to live.  I’m saddened now by the actions of a few, but they have no power over me and my life because I forgive them and I have moved on.  Will I trust them again?  I’m much wiser in who I trust.  But, I have peace and I know that I am walking in the path that God has set for me.  That is so much more freeing than being in bondage to malice in my heart.

Who do you need to forgive today?  Begin a list and write out what they did or said to you.  Pray for each person and ask the Lord to help you forgive them for whatever it was they did.  Now, tear your list up and throw it away.  Remember, just because you forgive them, doesn’t mean that you will want to continue to be around them if they are constantly hurting you.  Don’t subject yourself to those that abuse.   It’s possible that when you truly forgive someone and they forgive you, you will have a brand new relationship and become the best of friends better than before.  If we let pride get in the way, we will never know what is possible.

Is there someone that you need to ask to forgive you?  Have you done or said something to someone that you know hurt them?  Now is the time to get it straight.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Ephesians 4:31

In this season of life, there is no room or time for having a heart full of jealousy, hatred, bitterness, anger and unforgiveness.  Don’t let it rob you one more second.  The sooner we can learn this lesson, the better.  Hopefully, we taught our children this lesson.  If not, it is never too late to teach a lesson on forgiveness.

Don’t let unforgiveness ruin your home.

Be sure to click here to catch up on the rest of the series of, “How to Make a Full House a Home for Two.”   You will find links to the rest of the series.

Welcome back to my Write 31 Days series on, Making a Full House a Home For Two.  We are talking about life after our children leave our little nest that we have spent many years building.   Our kiddos have left and are now soaring like eagles. If you are like me, you looked at yourself in the mirror and said, “Now what?”

Yesterday we talked about Embracing the life that we have, right now.  We don’t want to be wishing it away or saying, “I’ll work on that later.”  We have now and we need to embrace where we are in life.  That doesn’t mean we don’t strive to make it better, it means, we are real with ourselves and build on where we are and what we have.

Today, let’s talk briefly about being you!

As I mentioned earlier that after our children have left home and we look in the mirror and we say, “Now what?”  Who do you see?  You are now entering into a new season of life and it’s important to know who you really are.  I don’t look at it as losing yourself while raising your children and we will be talking about that in other posts, but, you are now beginning a new way of living.  Remember, I love journaling and writing things down, so, make a list of the things that will be different in your life now.  Your schedule will look different, the way you spend your free time, you may be able to do more ministry or volunteer work somewhere or travel more with your husband….the list will be all so different for everyone.

If you are really brave, you will write out a description of who you are.  What are your likes, your dislikes, your standards.  What is your personality?  It’s important to know and accept your self as you are.  Don’t try to design your life just like someone else or try to act just like someone else.  I love the saying,  “there is only one you, all of the others have been taken.”  

There is nothing wrong with admiring something in someone else’s life and incorporating those things to build on who you are, but don’t try to be just like someone else.

I grew up very shy and still am to this day.  Shy people are intimidated very easily.  We also are very fearful (at least I was) of being ourselves.  So very afraid of doing something wrong or someone not liking us.  We are sensitive and can pick disapproval up very easy.  Some people can be insensitive and cruel.  I know, shock, right?  Shy people will withdraw and just keep thoughts, feelings and emotions to themselves due to the fear of those people.  That is how I was for many years.  I became a Christian as a young teen and my world changed.  I knew I was designed, loved and accepted by my Heavenly Father.  He had a purpose for my life and I slowly grew out of my fear of the judgement of people by knowing the only one that mattered loved me just the way I was.

Whew, I could go on and on about the life of a shy girl, but, the point today is…be you.  Don’t worry about others.  God designed you to accomplish certain things in your life and He has given you the tools to do that.  Don’t get into bondage by thinking you have to be or act like someone else.

Okay, I’ll give you one more example.  The last several years, I have had the honor of speaking to different groups of women.  Oh my, the first time, I literally thought I would die before my time came to step up to that microphone.  All I knew to do was, just be me!  Of course, I studied in the proper way to give a speech, voice control (I have a very soft voice, unless I’m mad), making eye contact and all those important things in speaking.  Since I was a young teen, I have loved watching and listening to many speakers.  I knew everyone of them had their own style.  They weren’t all the same, right?  But, I was a bit nervous that others would judge me as not being like some of the great speakers they have heard before.  A lesson I learned early on; don’t watch Beth Moore (isn’t she awesome) before I have a speaking engagement.  The enemy likes to whisper in my ear, “you are nothing like her, no one will listen to a word you have to say.”  But, then when I listen to the voice of my Savior, He says, “be who I designed you to be and bring honor and glory to My name.”

All that to say….Be your authentic self……be who God designed you to be and bring honor and glory to His name in everything you are, say and do.  Don’t be an imitation of someone else.  Know yourself…..you have things that need to get done in this life and only you can do them!

Let’s do this!

If you missed the previous posts in this series of “Making a Full House a Home for Two,” click here to get the links.

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How many times did you tell your children to not worry about anything and just enjoy life?  If you are like me, you said that many times over the years.  What about you?  Do you enjoy life?  Are you enjoying your life as it is today?

It is important that whatever season of life you are in, that you enjoy and make it the best…right now….today!

Sometimes, we can get in the habit of always looking forward to something that we miss out on the NOW.  An example for me would be that I am anxiously awaiting the return of Christ, but, I also am trying to live life as full and purposeful each day while I look forward to His appearing!

I had someone tell me once during their child raising years that they couldn’t wait to see their children grow up and leave the home.  My heart hurt as I listened.  I can’t imagine dreaming of the day my children would leave home.   I’ve seen many rush their children to grow up faster than they should.  Today, we see many children miss out on the years of just being a child.  The innocence of a child is so sweet; so many lose that innocence so very young.  We miss such special times because we want them to be older or bigger or whatever.  Enjoy now….enjoy the place your children are right now at  this very moment.

Recently, I caught myself being idle because I wasn’t able to do anything due to thinking of a trip coming up.  I missed a couple of days of accomplishing some goals simply because I could only think of that trip and preparing for only that. Time was wasted and things were let go, simply because I didn’t put things in order.  I was looking only at that trip and not what was around me that needed attention.

What about entertaining in your home?  You may think that you will wait until you have a bigger home or it’s spotless and in the mean time, you miss out on special time with friends or family.

What are you putting off because you are wishing for something different?  Do you feel like you are missing out on the hear and now by always thinking of all the what if’s and maybe’s?

What season are you in now….today?  Are you in the middle of raising a family?   You get one shot at it……..so go for it and make it the best possible regardless of the situation.  We have so much to be thankful for, don’t wish it all away to be something different.  How you live your life isn’t dependent on other’s.  It is dependent on how you choose to live your life.

Whether you are single or married with or without children; embrace your life and don’t wish it away hoping for something different, bigger, better, older, younger, skinnier, larger, or whatever goes through your mind that holds you captive in enjoying today.

The “empty nest” years can be wonderful and precious years if we accept it and are determined to make it that way.  I want to be just as fulfilled in these years as I was while raising our children.  I know you do, too.

I’m a believer in journaling.  Today, as soon as you are finished reading this, make a list of the things in your life that you are grateful for.  Then write out where you are in life and how you can make each day count.  What are the things that keep you busy and fulfilled?  How can you make a difference in someone else’s life?  Are there some things you are putting off by wishing for something different that what it is?  If so, name it, get rid of that thinking and move on!

Know your purpose in life and run with it!  When a young woman wonders what life will be like when her children are grown and she is living the “empty nest” years, maybe she will think of you and have you as a goal to strive for.  You are mentoring younger women without saying a word.  Your life speaks volumes!

This post is 2nd in a series of 31. I am doing the writing challenge that takes place each October called Write 31 Days.  Click here to go to my landing page that will have all of the links to the other articles on this series of Making a Full House a Home for Two.

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I’m so excited to be participating in the #write31days for the month of October.  I had so many different ideas for what I wanted to write on this month and I settled on focusing in on the season of life that I am in right now, which is the “empty nest” season.  I’ve talked to some people who do not like the term, empty nest.  I actually did some research on possible ways to word it different.  I wasn’t able to find anything that sounded right.  I personally don’t mind the term, “empty nest.”  I think it’s kind of cute… as in the picture I found that is on my graphic of the little nest with the eggs in it.  I loved my season of having children at home and I miss it.  I’m thinking that there could possibly be a reason some think negatively of the saying, “empty nest.” It may be that they don’t like this time of life where the children are gone and it’s now just the two of you and you are wondering what you are going to do with yourself with all this time without children to fill your day.

My conclusion is…..there isn’t anything we can do about it to change it, so we might as well make the best of it and learn to soar with the eagles.  We want our children to soar, don’t we?  Well, we need to soar, too and that is what we are going to learn to do together.  I do hope that you will be encouraged and challenged to do as my byline says, “design a life that you love after your children are gone.”

You may be in the throws of raising your children now and you can’t even imagine not having them under your feet.  I think you may learn something anyway.  Trust me,  (I know you’ve heard this a million times) time goes by so quickly and the better you are prepared, the smoother your flight will be when the time comes.

I’m excited; I hope you are, too!  See you tomorrow, as we begin to cover the many areas of, “Making A Full House A Home For Two.”

Day #1 – Introduction

Day #2 – Embrace Life!

Day #3 – Be Your Authentic Self

Day #4 – A Forgiving Heart

Day #5- Living For Christ in the Empty Nest Years

Day #6- Now Is The Time To Get Fit

Day #7- Do You Know What’s Going On In Your Country?

Day #8- Loving Your Extended Family Members

Day #9- Your Time Will Come

Day #10- Have a Merry Empty Nest Christmas

Day #11- 10 Ways to Enjoy An Empty Nest Christmas

Day #12-

Day #13-

Day #14-

Day #15-

Day #16-

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Day #19-

Day #20-

Day #21-

Day #22-

Day #23-

Day #24-

Day #25-

Day #26-

Day #27-

Day #28-

Day #29-

Day #30- What I Wish I Had Done and Known Before Now

Day #31- Resources