Dating these days, in the age of internet dating, speed dating and such, seems even more confusing and scary then when I was dating. I’ve been blessed to be married to my best friend for over 28 years now. How I would love for my readers to be equally blessed with the love of their lives. So, I asked author and dating coach Victorya Michaels Rogers to share some dating secrets from her latest book The Automatic 2nd Date.
Beverly: In Automatic 2nd Date, you list many unique places to meet men. Tell us a few.
Victorya: I definitely advise skipping bars and clubs and just plunging yourself into the social world around you-be it at your church, country club, charity, or a special-interest group at your community center. As you interact with more and more people, you will automatically find yourself around-and introduced to-available men.
Beverly: What’s wrong with accepting last minute dates?
Victorya: The fist two dates are when you establish how you expect to be treated without telling him how you want to be treated! If he calls you at the last minute, say something like “I’d love to, but I’ve just got something else going. How about a rain check?” I don’t care if you’re home doing your laundry. He doesn’t need to know. You’re just not available at the last minute. By this, you’re establishing that you’re worth calling early and you’re worth paying money for a date (even if they’re only buying you coffee.) They’re making an effort to spend money on you, because they want to spend quality time with you.”
Beverly: What are some definite, “Do’s” to keep in mind on first dates?
Victorya: Here are my five top “Do’s”:
1. Look your best
2. Put your best self forward
3. Laugh with him
4. Flatter him,
5. Look at him and especially,
6. Listen to him.
I always recommend asking your date a lot of questions about him then truly listening to his answers. He is his own favorite subject, so he’ll be sure to have a great time and besides you WANT the information he reveals to you so you can figure out if you two are a match long before you are emotionally involved.
Beverly: In Automatic 2nd Date you recommend asking lots of questions. You even give us 100 potential questions. How do we avoid turning it into an interview or worse, an interrogation?
Victorya: To keep questions from sounding like an interrogation, listen to his answers to your questions and go from there. You’re guiding the conversation, not dictating it. If you genuinely stay tuned in and listen to him, then the questons that come to your mind will help the conversation flow naturally and you will draw him to you. One of the easiest ways to get a 2nd date is to be genuinely interested in what your date has to say! Everyone wants to be heard. When you listen he will feel understood and he will want to see you again. So offer your undivided attention, look him in the eye, ask relevant questions, and be sure to laugh at his jokes!
Beverly: Are there any definite “First Date Don’ts” to ensure a 2nd date?
Victorya: Oh my, there are definitely some First Date Don’ts! 1st dates are about holding back. Use RESTRAINT and self control across the board if you want your first date to become a 2nd date. That goes for whatever you say and whatever you do. Here are my top 7 Don’ts for First Dates.
-Don’t dress sleazy
-Don’t talk too much
-Don’t go off on past relationships
-Don’t reveal hatred for the male species
-Don’t expose enourmous debt
-Don’t tell him he’s THE ONE
_Don’t put out on that first date!
Beverly: So, the first date is over. Now what? Does The Automatic 2nd Date offer advice on what to do AFTER the date? Such as, can you call or text your date the next day to thank him?
Victorya: When the first date is over, just relax and go on with your life, no matter how much you are into your new man. Do NOT call or text your date before he contacts you! Sure you can and should thank him at the end of the date, but no need for a follow-up thank you unless HE sends you a thank you gift. Even if our romantic date was as incredible as a ride in a helicopter to see the lights of downtown, it is in your best interest NOT to call him the next day. If he’s treating you like that, you certainly don’t wat to scare him away by chasing HIM>
Beverly: What would you say to someone who went on a date, thought everything was perfect, yet never received a call back for a second date?
Victorya: When you come home from your first date, no matter how amazing your evening, it is in your best interest to relax and go on with your life. It’s always good to reflect on how the date went to figure out if you have dating skills to improve on, especially if you haven’t heard back from your date within a couple of weeks. Did you really have anything in common? Did you talk too much about yourself? Did you “go too far” physically to the extent that you felt a little guilty the next day? Did you act too needy, too pushy, too bossy, too snooty or too boring? If any of this is the case, your date may have been scared away and wouldn’t tell you even if you asked. Don’t be too hard on yoruself, though; just let it go. It as only one date and if he’s gone, that person wasn’t meant for you. At least by reviewing it honestly in your mind, you may be able to learn what to do on your next first date.
Beverly: There is so much to cover on this topic. Do you have a website or blog with more of these tips for our audience to check out?
Victorya: Yes, my website has a lot of additional tips and advice for single women! Check it out–it’s www.mantokeep.com You can also order my books and learn about my coaching program. I hope I have helped you begin to see that dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact, believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating skills and take risks. There is so much information I’d love to impart to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my site anytime and/or check out my books Finding a Man Worth Keeping and The Automatic 2nd Date.
Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author The Automatic 2nd Date
Thank you to Victorya for an inspiring interview. Now, if you are interested in winning a free copy of her book “The Automatic 2nd Date,” post a comment and a winner will by chosen on Friday, February 15th.