Daddy, Do You Love Me?

A new report came out today stating that 1 in every 3 children grow up in a fatherless home in America.

Most of my life I have had people tell me that kids are resilient, they can handle things easier than adults. I have never agreed with that statement. I was one of those kids that grew up without a dad. My parents divorced when I was 12. I had two younger brothers, 9 and 2 years of age. My father was an alcoholic and he wasn’t home much before the divorce took place. I still remember the day he left for that final time. I was in my room watching out the window as he told my mother goodbye. He was carrying a blue suitcase. He never came and told me goodbye. As I watched him get in his truck and drive down the road I cried for a very long time as I sat in my room by myself. The next thing I remember is the four of us moving into a tiny rent house and I was busy taking care of the house and my brothers. My mom worked three jobs to keep the rent paid and food on the table. My dad didn’t pay child support, so it was twice as hard on all of us.

I loved my father and had a few good memories about him. I remember us swimming when I was very little and he put me on a floating raft that you could see through. He swam underwater and all I remember is laughing and thinking he was so funny. Another good memory is making peanut butter cookies with him and him telling me how much he loved me. He was very handsome too, I always thought he looked like Dean Martin.
My teen years, I didn’t see him much, the longer I went without seeing him made it hard to be around him when he did come in town. Many nights I would cry myself to sleep as I prayed for him. I worried about him. I desperately wanted a daddy that looked after me. We were three children at risk. I never understood why he didn’t check on me to make sure I was doing alright in school and if I had everything I needed. Each school year, my mom would take us shopping for school clothes and we would put them on layaway and it would take forever to get them. Gym clothes and shoes were a luxury item along with the special school supplies that teachers always wanted us to have. In Jr. High, someone stole my gym shoes and I went for a very long time going barefoot in P.E. because we couldn’t afford new shoes.

The day I graduated from high school, I never knew if he was there or not to see me graduate. The day I got married, he was no where to be found. My brother gave me away during the ceremony.

I could go on and on about all those little things in life that a young girl and even as a grown woman would desire in a daddy. It affects almost every area of her life.

The ironic thing about all of this is, several years ago out of the blue, I received a phone call from a hospital in Colorado. Somehow the doctors found me and called me to get permission to take him off of life support because he was brain dead. It seems he had suffered a heart attack and machines were all that was keeping him alive. They had to have my permission to take him off the machines. The doctor assured me that it was the best thing to do. I gave him the permission. The doctor called me back in about an hour and confirmed that he had passed away. As I hung up the phone, I sat on my floor and cried.

Click here to read part 2 of, Where’s Daddy?

6 Comments

  1. “Thanks for sharing your story Beverly. I know that’s not easy. Fathers are so important in our lives. It’s so heartbreaking and disappointing when they don’t realize that and they are absent from our lives. Looking forward to the “rest of the story”.”

  2. My story is very similiar ~almost a mirror image. My parents divorced when I was six. I am praising God because after all these years of virtually no contact with my dad, he and I are working at having a relationship. I’ve made efforts in the past with no reciprocation on his part, but through the recent death of his last wife, he has been reaching out to me. At this point in life we won’t have the dreamed of father/daughter relationship, but I am hoping that our relationship will be a source of peace for him in his latter years.
    I’ve been so blessed to have my heavenly Father through these years that I didn’t have an earthly father. It has also made me deeply, deeply thankful for my husband who has been and remains the most incredible father to our sons.

  3. Hi Beverly,
    I enjoyed your blog, but I am so sorry that you grew up that way. My dad drown when my twin and I were 3 years old. I always remind myself that God has a purpose for allowing us to go through these things, as he could have changed them in an instant–if that had been his will for our life.
    Life is hard and I don’t know how people without Christ are able to keep on keeping on.
    I love your writings and without going through some of the hard places in your life, you would not be able to empathize or understand the things that nearly all of us go through. Please keep writing as you are a sweet encouragement to me and all who take time to read your writings.

  4. “Beverly, you and your mom are such an inspiration to me! I feel so blessed to know both of you.”

  5. What your mom did after he left is the most amazing part to me. She was very strong indeed and I am sure behind the scenes she cried herself to sleep many times and wondered how she was going to raise 3 kids on her own. Obviously, she did a pretty fine job if I do say so myself! WOW! Beverly, you & your mom accepted Christ shortly after that if I remember correctly and that’s EXACTLY what God was working towards even though it was a rough road getting there. Praise God for the determination, tenacity and love your mom showed to you 3 kids. You are a beautiful example of that and God’s love. I love you and am so glad I know you!!

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