Is Abstinence Unrealistic?

I’m a little confused. I watched an interview last night on Fox news with Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol. She is 17 and just had a beautiful baby boy in December. As I watched, I didn’t think it was such a good idea to put her on the air and ask her probing questions about her pregnancy and what she thought about the epidemic of teen pregnancy.

Bristol mentioned she wanted to be a advocate for teens. I’m not sure what she meant by that seeing how she just had a baby and no one would ever want her to say, “I wish this would have never happened.” How would you explain that to your child? That is all we need in the world is another child whose parents wish they were never born. So, what is she going to encourage people to do? Is she going to say, “Don’t do what I did?” “Do what I did, but wait 10 years when you have a house and a degree?” (that was her comment of what she wished would have happened.) I didn’t know being 10 years older and having a house and a degree would be the o.k. to have a baby.

When Bristol Palin said, “Abstinence is the best method, but it is unrealistic for teenagers,” I was saddened. It made it sound like teenagers have no self control and don’t care for anyone but themselves. She also said in a statement when asked, if she had thought about abortion and if her mom told her she couldn’t, Bristol said, “I don’t do what my mom says, I make my own mind up about things.” Case closed. It’s a good thing she has her mom, dad, sisters, brother, grandmother, great-grandmother helping her with the decisions that she has made. Truly, it is a blessing that she has the family she does and I am thankful she has that. They will work together to make the best out of the situation.

Now to my main reason for needing to write this post. Why is abstinence unrealistic for teenagers? I personally didn’t think it was, but that seems to be the thing you hear constantly.

Every teen, young adult and unmarried person, needs to decide now, not later, not when you meet someone, but now, what you believe in? What are your standards? What will you do and won’t do? After you answer those questions, ask yourself, Why? Why do you believe what you do? Is it because someone said so? Is it because of the things you have seen in other people lives? Is it because God said so?

If you are a Christian, there was a time and place where you put all your faith and trust in Christ. You actually believed the scripture that talks about how you must be born again to see the kingdom of heaven. Why then, when it comes to the commands of saving yourself for your future wife/husband, do we think that is unrealistic. God said it. Why do some pick and choose out of God’s Word what works and doesn’t work?

Hopefully, you have your answer as to what you believe in and why. Now, do you think it is going to be easy? You must have a plan.

What do you allow into your mind? Are you careful what you watch on television? When you go to a movie, are you selective in the things that you watch? What about the music you listen to, is it filled with lyrics that fill your mind with the wrong thing? What are you reading?

When you go on a date, where do you go? What do you do with your time? Are you careful to not be alone all the time? Do you have the mindset that you are also protecting the person you are with?

If you are capable of doing the following, yes, abstinence is realistic. Many people have accomplished it and you can to.

I am very thankful that as a teen, I had teaching and I set my mind of what I wanted and didn’t want. I was one of those that actually married as a virgin and the entire time I dated my husband, I trusted him. That is what attracted me to him, I felt safe with him and I knew that he cared and loved me enough to honor me and my beliefs.

So, all that to say, don’t decide after it is too late what your standards are. Set them now, know what you believe and why. You are worth the wait.


  1. I think you give great advice to young people, that they should think now about who they want to be. I think so many young people are so overwhelmed with changes as they mature, that they are desperate to know what is right and wrong for their lives. No teen, or lets be honest, now days, pre-teen, says, “Hey, today I’m going to go have sex.” These are images forced upon them by our culture. Parents must be actively involved in their children’s lives. There is no room for shyness, or embarrassment. It will be too late. Parents must think of their children as a God ordained responsibility and not just talk to their kids, but guide them to do and think what is right. That doesn’t mean take them to church on Sunday, or even Wednesday night, but to instill in them from a young age, every day, multiple times a day, that God is the authority and they are claimed in His name and that He is their father and He has plans for their lives. Parents are the key to young people asking these questions of themselves. The Word is the Truth, and parents must steadfastly present the truth and have an expectation of their children to follow in that truth. The problem with abstinence not being realistic for our young people today is because we don’t hold them to the fire and make it realistic. We as Christian men and women, fathers and mothers must expect and demand that our young people remain pure. What I wouldn’t have given for my Mom or Dad to put away their awkwardness to demand from me purity. I am a married mother of 5 children. It’s not going to be easier for my children than it was for me, and it wasn’t easy for me. We must, as a Christian community hold fast to the Word, and not make excuses, and raise our children up daily in the way of the Lord. It’s not old-fashioned, it’s a matter of Godliness and Holiness, and for that matter, survival. I love you Beverly. Thank you for sharing the truth, being bold and remaining steadfast. God Bless you and Jim as you continue to minister the truth in you daily lives.

  2. Hi Faith! You are so right, parents and those that are around young people should constantly be bold in expecting purity from them. They need that affirmation on a regular basis. Our culture expects the total opposite and it seems the culture is speaking louder than parents and those that love them.

    You are such a good mom, go girl!

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